Why do we search for skills?

Once I visited a deprived town to deliver a lecture, after which there came to me a teacher from outside the town.

He said, "I hope you can help us with finance to some students"

I said, "Strange! Aren't the schools government funded, and therefore free?"

He said, "Indeed they are, but we would like to fund their universities education.”

I said, "Well, the universities are also government funded. They even offer student grants."

He said, “Allow me to explain to you..."

I said, "Go ahead.”

He said, "Our students graduate from their secondary school with no less than 99%. They are so clever that if their intelligence was divided amongst the ummah, it would suffice!

But when a student becomes determined to travel outside his town to study Medicine, Engineering, Islamic Law, Computer Science or anything else, his father prevents him from going, saying, 'What you know is sufficient! Now, stay with me and be a shepherd.’

I screamed unexpectedly, "Be a shepherd?!"

He said, "Yes, a shepherd!"

And indeed, the poor boy stays with his father and becomes a shepherd, while all his abilities are wasted. Years go by and he remains a shepherd. He may even get married and have children whom he may treat exactly as he was treated by his father. Hence, all his children also become shepherds!

I asked, "So what's the solution?"

He said, "The solution is to convince the father to employ someone as a shepherd for a few hundred riyals, which we will pay, and allow his son to take full advantage of his skills and abilities. Of course, we will also continue to fund his son until he graduates.'

The teacher then lowered his head and said, "lt is inexcusable that such skills and talents in people are wasted when they long to utilise them. "

I contemplated upon what he had said and realized that we cannot reach the pinnacle except by taking advantage of the abilities we have and acquiring those that we do not.

Yes, I would challenge anyone to find a successful person, be a successful in academia, preaching, lecturing, business, medicine, engineering, or influencing others; or be a successful in family life, such as a successful father with his children, or a successful wife with her husband; or be a successful in their social life, such as a person who is successful with his neighbours and colleagues and I mean a truly successful person, Not one, ‘Who simply climbs upon others' shoulders! I would challenge anyone to find me any such highly successful person who does not practise certain interpersonal skills through which he has been able to achieve such success, whether they realise it or not.

Some people may exercise such interpersonal skills instinctively, while others may have to learn them in order to be successful, and these latter people are the types of successful personalities whose lives we would like to study and whose methods we would closely seek to follow in order to discover how they were successful, and to find out whether or not we can take their route to success.
 

A while ago, I listened to an interview with one of the most affluent people in the world, ‘Shaykh Sulayman al Rajihi’ and found him to be a mountain in terms of his manners and thoughts. This man owns billions, possesses immense real estate, has built hundreds of mosques, and has sponsored thousands of orphans. He is hugely successful. He spoke of his humble beginnings around fifty years ago, when he was a regular person who would only have enough money to feed himself for the day, and sometimes not even that.

He mentioned that he would sometimes seen people's houses to feed himself and continue working at night at a shop or money exchange. He discussed how he was once at the bottom of the mountain, and how he continued to climbed until he reached the summit.

I thought about the abilities and skills he possesses and realised that many of us are well capable of being like him, if Allah grants us the ability. If one learns these skills, exercises them, perseveres and remains steadfast, then yes, he can surely be like him.

Another reason for us to search for these skills is that some of us may have certain abilities, which we remain unaware of, or which nobody has assisted us in discovering, such as the skills of delivering a lecture, business insight, or possessing general knowledge.

One may discover these skills on his own, through a teacher's or a work colleague's help, or even through a sincere brother, however few they may be! However, these skills may remain buried inside the person until his personality becomes as stale as anyone else's, and this is when we all lose out on another leader, lecturer or scholar, or perhaps a successful husband, or a caring father.

Here we will mention certain skills which we would like to remind you of if you already possess them, or which we would like to train you in if you don't.

So come along!

A thought: When you climb a mountain, look to the top and not to the rocks that Scroll round you. Make sure of where you step as you climb and do not leap in case you lose your footing.

The keys to hearts

Every door has a key.  The key to open people's hearts is to know their personalities, solve their problems, reconcile between them, benefit from their good and keep safe from their evil.  One will become an expert in all these skills if he knows their personalities.

Suppose an argument took place between a father and son due to which the father ordered the son to leave the house.  The son then tried. to return but the father persistently refused.  You then get involved in order to reconcile between the two and remind the father of the religious texts pertaining to this issue and warn him about the sin of breaking the ties of kinship.  However, he does not accept your advice, so you decide to use a different approach.  You know that he has a very emotional personality and therefore go to him and say, "Won't you have mercy on your son? He sleeps on the floor without any roof to cover him.  You eat and drink whist he remains hungry and thirsty.  Do you not think of him each time you raise a morsel of food to put into your mouth? Do you not think about how he has to walk in the heat of the sun? Do you remember when he was small how you would hug and kiss him? Do you not think for a second that he might be living on handouts whilst his father is alive?"

        You would find that the father will be moved by these words and come closer to considering reconciliation.

If his father was miserly, you could say to him, "Be careful and do not entangle yourself in further problems.  Bring your son back so that he is under your supervision.  You never know, he may steal or harm someone, due to which the court may order you to pay for the damage.  You are, after all, his

 father, so be careful!"

You would find that the miser.  would reconsider due to his fear of loss of finances!

If you were speaking to the son and he loved wealth, you could say, "You need your father.  Tomorrow, you would want to get married.  Who would pay for the dowry? If your car breaks down, who will pay to get it fixed? If you fall ill, who will pay your medical fees? Your brothers are no doubt taking advantage of the situation as they are receiving their stipends and gifts whilst you sit here with nothing.  Surely, you can change your situation by kissing your father on his forehead or saying sorry to him?"

Similarly, if you were called to reconcile between a husband and wife, you could do the same and open up their hearts to­       wards each other by using the appropriate skills.  Likewise, if you

wanted leave from work and knew that your boss does not give much consideration to emotional or social factors and his only concern is work, you might say to him, "I need a break for about three days in order to regain strength and vigor.  I feel that the enormous workload has resulted in me being temporarily inefficient.  Please allow me to rest my head for three days so I may return to work invigorated:'If he is someone who has consideration for social factors, you may realize that he gives great importance to family matters.  You could therefore say to him, "I need a vacation to visit my father and children.  I have been feeling distant from them for a while:'

Perfect these skills and very soon you will hear people saying about you, "We have not seen anyone as skillful as this person in convincing others:'

The result. . .

Every man has a key to his heart, and knowing his personality assists in identifying the right key to open it.