How to Win Peoples Heart
One of the most difficult things is winning the hearts. This journey starts with knowing a human being and understanding, then winning his heart. Really this is a big challenge. Very few people are able to achieve this art. Art of winning hearts is difficult art.
All people endeavor to specialize in techniques that are needed in order for them to excel in their fields of operation or work.
Winning hearts is also an art with its own ways and means.
Some-one successfully captures your heart, not with wealth, status, or lineage, but merely by his interpersonal skills. Hence, hearts are not won by force, wealth, beauty or status. They are won by much less of a sacrifice, yet few are able to win them.
Deal with the people so skillfully that they love you for who you are and what you say, and for your smile, gentleness and generosity. They will love the fact that you overlook their faults and stand by them at times of hardship. Do not allow their hearts to be attached merely to your status and your purse!
The one who provides his children and wife with wealth, food and drink only does not win their hearts by doing so, but only their stomachs! The one who showers his family with wealth while he mistreats them does not win their hearts; rather; he only wins their pockets. For this reason, do not be surprised if you see a young man who faces a problem and therefore complains to his friend, teacher, or the Imam of a mosque, but not to his own father. This would be because the father has failed to win over his heart and break down barriers. On the other hand, it is the teacher or the friend, who has managed to win his heart;
A believer worships Allah by being well-mannered and dealing pleasantly with all, not to attain status or wealth, or for people's praise, or to get married, etc., but only so that Allah may love him and make him beloved to His creation. Yes! Whoever considers exercising good manners as worship will deal courteously with everyone, be the rich or poor, a manager or a tea-boy. If one day a poor cleaner on the street stretches out his hand for you to shake it, and then another day a director of some company stretches his hand out in the same way, will you treat them equally? Will you welcome them both, and smile at them equally?
The Prophet (Peace Be upon Him) wouldcertainly treat them both equally in terms of welcoming them and showing them sincere conduct and compassion. Who knows, perhaps the one you may belittle and look down upon might actually be better in Allah's sight than he who you look up to and show honor and respect to. The Prophet PBUH said, "The most beloved of you to me, and the closest of you to me on the Day of Resurrection are the best of you in manners." (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)
The Prophet PBUH also said to al-Ashaj bin 'Abd Qays, "You have two qualities that Allah and His Messenger love."What are these two qualities? Praying at night? Fasting all day? Al-Ashaj became overjoyed and said, "What are the two qualities, 0 Messenger of Allah?"
The Prophet PBUH said, "Forbearance and patience." (Ahmad and Muslim)
The Prophet PBUH was asked about piety, and he replied, "Piety is to show good manners:' (Muslim)
He PBUH was asked about the deed on account of which most will enter paradise, He PBUH said, "Fear of Allah and good manners." (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)
The Prophet PBUH said, "The most complete in faith are those best in their character, those who are easy to socialize with, and those who get along with others and others get along with them. There is no good in the one who cannot get along with others and others cannot get along with him:' (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)
The Prophet PBUH said, "there is nothing heavier in the scales than good manners:' (Abu Dawud, Sahih)
The Prophet PBUH said, "A person by his good character reaches the rank of the one praying at night and fasting all day." (alTirmidhi, Sahih)
The one who improves his character becomes successful in both worlds. Consider the incident of Umm Salamah - may Allah be pleased with her - when she sat with the Messenger of Allah PBUH and thought about the Hereafter and what Allah had promised her.
She said,"0 Messenger of Allah! A woman might be married twice in this world. When she and her husband’s die and they all enter paradise, who is she going to be with?"
What did he PBUH say in response? That she will be with the one who prayed the longest? Or the one who fasted the most? Or the most knowledgeable of them? No! Rather, he (PBUH) said, "she will be with the best of them in character?'
The one who improves his character becomes successful in both worlds.
As a matter of fact, Allah's words in his praise are something we will continue to recite until the Last Day, "And indeed, you (0 Muhammad Peace be Upon Him) are on an exalted standard of character!"
The Prophet's character in its entirety was the Qur'an. When he recited, "Be good, for Allah loves those who are good" he was good to the old and the young, the rich and the poor, the noble and the weak. When he heard Allah's words, "Forgive and overlook..." he forgave and overlooked. When he recited, "Speak well to the people..." he spoke well to all.
The Prophet PBUH was so eager to improve his character that he would pray to Allah,"0 Allah, just as you have beautified my physical being, beautify my character." (Ahmad, Sahih) He PBUH also would say,"0 Allah, guide me to the best of manners, for none guides to them except You. Protect me from bad manners, for none can protect me except You." (Muslim)
Purify your intention so that your interpersonal skills can turn into acts of worship, with which you can draw closer to Allah.
There are things which people unanimously love and appreciate, and things which they unanimously dislike. There are also things upon which they differ so while some may be appreciative of them, others Il) may find them cumbersome. Hence, everyone loves to be smiled at and hates to be frowned at, yet some may appreciate jokes whilst others may not. Some people may like others visiting them whilst others would rather be left alone may love to talk excessively whilst others may not. Often feel comfortable with those of the same nature as themselves.
On another occasion, the Prophet PBUH fought the Jews of Khaybar briefly and then made a peace agreement with them where he stipulated that they were not to hide any of their wealth, or conceal any gold and silver, and that they must present everything to him so he may decide what to do with it. He also warned them that if they were to hide anything, then they would have no agreement or pact..
Huyay bin Akhtab was one of their leaders who had returned from Madinah with a leather bag full of gold and jewelry and then passed away, leaving behind all his wealth, which the Jews concealed from the Messenger of Allah PBUH. The Prophet PBUH saidto the uncle of Huyay bin Akhtab, "What happened to what Huyay brought from Banu Nadheer (i.e., the leather bag )?"
He said, "It was all spent on expenses and wars." The Prophet ~ thought about what he said, and it occurred to him that Huyay had only died recently and that the wealth he had brought over was of a huge amount. Moreover, there had not occurred any war recently that it could have been spent on. The Prophet ~ said, "The wealth was only brought here recently, and it was too much to have been spent so quickly."
The Jewish man said, "The wealth and jewellery have all been spent." The Prophet PBUH realized .that the man was lying, so he looked at his companions, who were many in number, and each of them understood his message. The Prophet ss then turned to az-Zubayr bin al-'Awwam and said,"0 Zubayr, give him a taste of punishment."
As az-Zubayr began his approach the man was terrified. Knowing that his situation was grave, he said, "Well, I did see Huyay once going into this deserted place!" and pointed to an old abandoned house. The Muslims went into the house and found the wealth hidden therein. This is how the Prophet ~ was with az-Zubayr.
Yes, everyone has a special key to open his heart, earn his love and influence hlrn. We notice this often in our lives. Perhaps you have heard work colleagues say that if you want to get the manager to agree to something, then so-and-so is the key, or if you want anything, ask so-and-so to speak to him on your behalf. Why not then use your skills to open up people's hearts and be a head instead of being a tail? Yes, be special and look for the keys with which to open up the hearts of your mother, father, wife and children. Find the key to the heart of your manager at work and your colleagues. Knowing the keys to their hearts helps them accept good advice when it is offered, that is if the advice is presented in an appropriate manner, as people do not all react the same way when advised.
Once, the Prophet $ was sitting in a blessed gathering of his and speaking to his companions, meanwhile, a man entered the mosque, looking to his left and right. Then, instead of sitting in the Prophet's circle, he headed for a corner of the mosque and began to undo his lower garment. The people were left in suspense as to what he is going to do next. Then, to their horror, he raised his lower garment, sat down quite calmly and began to urinate!
The Companions were shocked and exploded upon seeing him urinate in the mosque. They were about to rush towards him, but the Prophet ~ asked them to stay seated and keep their calm; he said, "Do not interrupt him!" The Companions watched as he urinated and perhaps he wasn't even aware of them looking on! The Prophet ss, as he witnessed the scene - a man urinating in the mosque - continued to calm his Companions down.
How forbearing he was! When the Bedouin had finished and stood up to tie his garment around his waist, the Prophet ~ . called him gently. The Bedouin came and stood in front of the Prophet ~.The Prophet ~ said, "The mosques are not built for this purpose. They are only built for prayers and reading of the Qur'an."
This was end of his brief advice. The man understood the Prophet's words and left. When the time for prayer came, the Bedouin came and prayed along with them. The Prophet ~ initiated the prayer with his Companions by saying "Allahu Akbar". He then recited and bowed. When he raised up from bowing, he said, "Allah hears the one who praises Him." The Companions said, "Our Lord, to you belong all the praise!" Except that this man added,"0 Allah, have mercy on me and Muhammad, and no one else!"
The Prophet ~ heard him, and when the prayer finished, he turned around and asked who said those words. The Companions pointed out the man to him, so he asked him to come forward. When he came and sat in front of him, 10 and behold, it was the same Bedouin. The Prophet's love had entered into his heart so deeply that he wished that the Prophet and he be the recipients of Allah's mercy exclusively.
The Prophet ~ said to him, "You have narrowed what is vast!" Meaning that Allah's mercy was enormous enough to include them two and everyone else, so it should not have been restricted to the two of them only. Notice how the Prophet ~managed to capture his heart by knowing how to deal with him, for he was a Bedouin who had just come from the desert. He could not be expected to be as knowledgeable as Abu Bakr and 'Umar, or even Mu'adh' and 'Ammar, and hence he should not be treated like them either.
Let's look at the case of Mu'awiyah bin al-Hakm, - may Allah be pleased with him - who was just a regular Companion. He did not live in Madinah, or even accompany the Prophet PBUH often; rather, he had cattle in the desert to tend to. One day, Mu'awiyah entered Madinah and visited the mosque. He sat in the gathering of the Prophet ~ and his Companions as they were discussing the etiquettes of sneezing. One of the etiquettes the Prophet ~taught was that if one hears his brother sneeze and then praise Allah, he should say to him 'YarhamukAllah' (i.e., 'May Allah have mercy on you'). Mu'awiyah committed this to his memory and left. After a few days he returned to Madinah to fulfil a need and entered the mosque where the Prophet PBUH was praying with his Companions, so he joined them. As they were praying, one of the Companions sneezed, and before he could say "al-Hamdulillah", Mu'awiyah remembered that he was supposed to respond, so he hurriedly said i in a loud voice, "YarhamukAllah!" The people who were praying became confused and began to look at him with disapproving looks. When he noticed the commotion he became confused and said, "Woe be to me! Why are you staring at me?!"
The Companions began to strike their hands on their thighs, insisting that he be silent, and he complied. When the prayer was over, the Prophet $ turned to the congregation. He had heard the commotion and the voice of the one who spoke, but the voice had belonged to a new, unfamiliar person. He asked, 'Who spoke?' and the people pointed at Mu'awiyah. The Prophet PBUH asked him to come forward and he did. He was terrified as he didn't know what would happen to him for interrupting the prayer and ruining people's concentration.
Mu'awiyah said, "May my mother and father be sacrificed for him! By Allah, I have never seen before him nor after him a leader who gave better instruction than he. I swear that he did not scold, beat or revile me, but simply said: 'Talking to people is not befitting during the prayer, for it consists of glorifying Allah, declaring his Greatness and recitation of the Qur'an. This is how brief his advice was:' Mu'waiyah understood the advice and when he felt more comfortable.
The Messenger of Allah PBUH dispatched a group of his Companions to al-Huraqat, a, sub-tribe of Juhaynah. Usamah bin Zayd was one of the warrior .The battle commenced in the morning the Muslims became victorious and the enemy fled. A man from amongst the pagans saw that his men were defeated, so he threw his weapons and fled. A man from the Ansar and Usamah began to chase him as he attempted to escape in terror, until he hid behind a tree. Usamah and the Ansari caught up with him and raised their swords to strike him. When he saw the two swords above his head about to come down on him, and realized that death was at his doorstep, he said, "There is no one worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger!" Usamah and the Ansari were puzzled; did he accept Islam sincerely or did he simply say this to save his neck? They were in the middle of a battle and surrounded by bodies, blood and flesh, as the man looked on. They had to make a quick decision, for they could have been struck by an arrow anytime. There was no time to contemplate. While the Ansari withheld, Usamah thought that it was a trick, so he struck him with his sword and killed him. They returned to Madinah victorious. Usamah stood in front of the Prophet ~ and told him the entire story, including what happened to the man they killed. The story was that of Muslim victory, and the Prophet PBUH was rejoicing, that is, until Usamah said, "Then I killed him..." Suddenly, the Prophet's complexion changed and he said, "He said: La Ilaha Illallah and you killed him?!" Usamah said, "He did not say it intentionally! He only said it out of the fear of our weapons!" But the Prophet PBUH repeated his question, "Did he say, 'There is no god worthy of worship but Allah,' and then you killed him? Did you split open his heart to know for certain that he had only said it out of fear of your weapons?" The Prophet PBUH fixed his eyes on Usamah and kept repeating, "Did he say 'There is no god but Allah', and then you killed him! Did he say 'There is no god but Allah', and then you killed him?! How will you deal with his testimony, 'there is no god but Allah', on the Day of Resurrection?" Usamah said, "He continued to repeat himself until I wished I had only accepted Islam that day."
