What are we going to learn?

People generally tend to share their moments of happiness and sorrow. They are happy when they become wealthy. They will be joyous when promoted at work, content when they’re cover from illness, and cheerful when the world smiles at them and fulfills their dreams.

Likewise, they all grieve over illness, disgrace and loss of wealth. Knowing this to be the case, let us look for ways in which to make our joy everlasting and hence overpower our sorrows. Yes, in reality life tends to be both sweet and bitter, and on this we would not disagree, but why do we often focus on our ca­lamities and sorrows, and as a result become depressed for days on end? Where an hour is enough to grieve over something, hours on end are spent grieving.

Why?

I realise that sorrow and anguish enter our hearts without seeking permission, but for each door of sadness that opens there are a thousand means of shutting it, and these are what we will expound here.

Here we will learn how to be amazing.

Why was it that when your cousin spoke at the gathering, everyone listened to him attentively? Why were they amazed at his manners of speech? Why was it that when you spoke, they all turned away and began to talk amongst themselves? Why was that? You may be more well informed, better qualified and possess a higher status than him.  How then did he manage to get all the attention and you failed?

Why is it that one father is dearly loved by his children who love to greet him and accompany him wherever he goes, while another father begs his children to accompany him while they keep making all kinds of excuses to avoid doing so?

Are they not both fathers? Then why the difference?

Here we will learn how to enjoy life, know the various techniques to attract people, influence them, persevere with their faults, deal with people with bad manners, and much, much more. So, welcome! 

A word: Success is not to discover.  what others like, it is to acquire

and practice . the kills that help. one gain their love. 

They did not benefit....

I remember once receiving a message on my mobile phone which read: “Dear Sheikh, what is the ruling on suicide?"

I called the sender to find a very young man on the other end of the line. I said, "I am sorry, I didn't understand your question. Can you please repeat your question?"

He said with a grieving voice, "The question is clear. What is the ruling on suicide?"

I decided to surprise him by saying in response something unexpected, so I said, “It is recommended!"

He screamed, "What?!"

I said, "How about if we discuss the best way for you to do it?"

The young man fell silent. I said to him, "OK. Why do you want to commit suicide?"

He said, "Because, I can't find work. People do not love me. In fact, I am an utter failure....  and thus he began to relate to me his long story in order to prove that he had failed to develop his interpersonal skills and was unsuccessful in utilizing his talents. This is a problem with many people. Why do some of us feel inferior? Why do we look at those at the peak of the mountain while thinking of ourselves as unworthy of reaching that peak as they have, or even climbing it as they did?

The one frightened of climbing mountains forever lives in the ditches

Do you wish to know who will not benefit from this book, or any other similar book, for that matter?

It is the unfortunate one who surrenders to his own errors and becomes satisfied with his limited skills, and says, “This is my nature. I have become too used to it now; I cannot change my ways. Everyone knows this is how I am.  I can never speak like Khalid does, or have a cheerful countenance like Ahmad has, or be universally loved the way Ziyad is. That would be impossible." I once sat with a very old man in a public gathering. Most of those present were people with the usual skills and abilities. The old man was busy speaking to whoever was sitting next to him. He did not stand out in the crowd for any reason, except by virtue of his old age.

I delivered a lecture and during it mentioned a verdict given by the eminent Sheikh 'Abdul Aziz bin Baz. When I finished, the old man said to me with pride, "Sheikh Ibn Baz and I were colleagues.

We used to study together in a mosque under Shaykh Muhammad bin Ibrahim, about forty years ago:'

I turned around to look at him and noticed that he seemed very happy to share this information with me. He was delighted to have accompanied a successful man once in his life. I said to myself, "Poor man! Why did you not become as successful as Ibn Baz? If you knew the way to success, why did you not pursue it? Why is it that when Ibn Baz passes away, people cry for him from the pulpits, mihrabs, and institutes, and various nations grieve over the loss; yet, when your death comes, perhaps, nobody would shed a single tear, except out of kindness or custom!"

We all may say at some time or another; "We knew so and so and we sat with so and so: 'But this is nothing to be proud of. What one can be proud of is to scale the peak as they did. Be brave and from now on be determined to utilize all the abilities you possess. Be successful. Replace the frown on your face with a smile, depression with cheerfulness, miserliness with generosity, and anger with perseverance. Turn your calamities into occasions of joy and your faith into a weapon!'

Enjoy your life, for it is brief and there is no time in it for anguish. As for how to do this, then this is the reason for my writing this book. So bear with me until the end, with Allah's permission.

You will bear with us if you are brave enough to be determined and persistent on the development of your interpersonal skills, and if you are willing to take advantage of your abilities and talents.

Good Manner and Muslim

The life of a Muslim must stand on seven foundations:

·         Adherence to Allah's Book,

·         Following the way of Allah's Messenger Peace Be Upon Him,

·         Eating that which is lawful,

·         Refraining from harming others,

·         Staying away from sins,

·         Repenting frequently,

·         Fulfilling the rights of others.

In the past and present, the great Islamic jurists of this nation have confirmed that the Muslim's life must be based on the aforesaid foundations. Brother Muslim, you must remain firm upon those seven comprehensive foundations - by the Will of Allah - until the day you die.

A Believer worships Allah by being well mannered and dealing pleasantly with all, so that Allah may love him and make him beloved to his creation. Whoever considers exercising good manners as worship will deal courteously with everyone, the rich or poor, a manager or a tea boy.

If one day a poor cleaner on the street stretches out his hand for you to shake it, and another day a director of some company stretches his hand out in the same way, will you treat them equally?

Will you welcome them both and smile at them equally?

The Prophet (PBUH) will certainly treat them both equally in terms of welcoming them and showing them sincere conduct and compassion.

Who knows, perhaps the one you may belittle and look down upon might actually be better in Allah’s sight than he who you look up and show honor and respect.

Quran (68:4) “and you (Prophet- PBUH) are certainly on the most exalted standard of moral excellence.”

Here, this sentence gives two meanings: (1) "That you stand exalted to a high and noble character; that is why you are enduring all these hardships in your mission of guiding the people to the Right Way, otherwise a man of weak character could not have done so;" and (2) "that besides the Qur'an, your high and noble character also is a clear proof that the accusation of madness that the disbelievers bring against you is absolutely false, for high morals and madness cannot co-exist in one and the same person. " A madman is he whose balance of mind is upset, who has lost his temperamental equilibrium. Contrary to this, the high morals of a person testify that he is a right-minded and sound-natured person, who possesses perfect temperamental equilibrium. The people of Makkah were not unaware of the morals and character possessed by the Holy Messenger of AIIah. Therefore, it was enough just to make a reference to them so that every reasonable man of Makkah was made to think how shameless were those people who were calling a man of such sublime morals and character a madman. Their absurd conduct was not at all harmful for the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) but for themselves, for maddened in their craze for opposition they were saying such a thing about him which could not be regarded as credible by any man of understanding. The same also is the case with those men of knowledge and scholarship, who in the modern time are accusing the Holy prophet (upon whom be peace) of having fits of madness and epilepsy. The Qur'an is available everywhere in the world and the Holy Prophet's life also exists in the written form in entire detail. Every person can see it for himself what a foolish and meaningless thing is being uttered in their blind enmity by those who regard the man who brought this unique and matchless Book and who possessed such sublime morals and character as a mentally deranged person. The best description of the Holy Prophet's character has been given by Hadrat 'A'ishah in her statement: Kana khuluqu-hul-Qur an: the Qur'an was his character." Imam Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Da'ud. Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Darimi and Ibn Jarir have cited, with a little variation in wording, this saying with several chains of transmitters. This means that the Holy Prophet had not merely presented the teaching of the Qur'an before the world but also given its practical demonstration by his personal example. Whatever was enjoined in the Qur'an was acted upon practically by himself in the first instance; whatever was forbidden in it was shunned and avoided by himself most of all. His own self was characterized most of all by the moral qualities which were declared as sublime by it, and his own self was most free from those qualities which were declared as abhorrent and reprehensible by it. In another tradition Hadrat 'A'ishah has stated: "The Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) never hit a servant, never raised his hand on a woman never used his hand to kill a person outside the battlefield, never avenged himself on anyone for an injury caused unless someone violated a sanctity enjoined by AIlah and he avenged it for the sake of Allah. His practice was that whenever he had to choose between two things, he would choose the easier one unless it was a sin; and if it was a sin he would keep away from it most of all" (Musnad Ahmad). Hadrat Anas says: "I served the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) for ten years. He never did so much as express even a slight disgust over what I did or said: he never asked why I had done what I had done, and never inquired why I had not done what I had not done." (Bukhari, Muslim).

Quran (3:159) It was thanks to Allah's mercy that you were gentle to them. Had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would surely have scattered away from you. So pardon them, and pray for their forgiveness, and take counsel from them in matters of importance. And when you are resolved on a course of action places your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).

(21:107) (O Muhammad!) We have sent you to be a real blessing for the people of the world. 

This verse (107) can also be translated as: "We have sent you only as a blessing for the people of the world". In both cases it will mean that the appointment of the Holy Prophet is indeed a blessing and mercy of Allah to the whole world. This is because he aroused the neglectful world froth its heedlessness and gave it the knowledge of the criterion between truth and falsehood, and warned it very clearly of both the ways of salvation and. ruin. This fact has been stated here 'to tell the disbelievers of Makkah that they were quite wrong in their estimate of the Holy Prophet that he was an affliction and distress for them because they said, "This man has sown seeds of discard among our clans and separated near relatives from each other." They have been told here, "O foolish people, you are wrong to presume that he is an affliction for you; but he is in reality a blessing and mercy of Allah for you."

"Shall I not tell you who among you is the most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?" He repeated it two or three times, and they said, 'Yes, O Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.).’  He said: "Those of you who are the best in attitude and character." (Reported by Ahmad and its Isnad is Jayyid) Some reports add: "Those who are down to earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable."

One of the attributes of the believer is that he gets along with others and others feel comfortable with him. He likes people and they like him. If he is not like this, then he will not be able to convey the message or achieve anything of significance. Whoever is like that has no goodness in him, as in the Hadith:
"The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable.” (Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazar; the men of Ahmad's Isnad are Rijal as-Sahih)

The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) set the highest example of good behaviour towards people. He was skilful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed. He demonstrated how to reach people's hearts and win their love and admiration.

He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was a free space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally, so that no one who was present in a gathering would feel that anyone else was receiving preferential treatment. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to them, or at least respond with kind words. His good attitude extended to everyone and he was like a father to them. The people gathered around him were truly equal, distinguished only by their level of taqwa. They were humble, respecting their elders, showing compassion to young ones, giving priority to those in need and taking care of strangers.

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.

...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad

Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "

Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it, and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah (#432).

The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud

... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad

... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."