Prophets Methods of Correcting Mistakes - Denouncing only the mistake whilst accepting the rest

It may be the case that not all of what a person says or does is wrong, so it is wise to limit our denunciation only to that which is wrong, and not to generalize by condemning everything that is said or done as being wrong. This is indicated in the report narrated by Bukhari in his Saheeh from ar-Rubayyi‘ bint Mu‘awwadh ibn ‘Afra’, who said:

“The Prophet came and entered, and sat down on my bed the way you sat down. Some young girls of ours began beating on the daff (hand-drum) and singing songs eulogizing those of our forefathers who had been killed at Badr. Then one of them said, ‘Among us there is a Prophet who knows the future.’ The Prophet said; ‘Do not say that; say what you were saying before.’ ”110

According to a report narrated by At-Tirmidhi:

“...The Messenger of Allah said to her: ‘Do not say this; say what you were saying before.’”111

According to a report narrated by Ibn Majah, he (the Prophet) said:

“Do not say this, say; no one knows the future except Allah.”112

There is no doubt that this kind of treatment makes the person feel that the one who is striving to point out mistakes and correct them is fair and just, and this makes him more likely to accept his advice. This is in contrast to some of those who want to denounce errors, but get so angry with the mistake committed that they go to extremes in their denunciation and condemn everything done and said by the one who has made the mistake, good and bad alike. This makes the person reject what they say and refuse to follow their advice.

In some cases, the mistake is not m the words themselves, but in the occasion or context in which they are uttered. For example, when somebody dies, one person may say, “al~ Fatihah and everyone present will recite it. They believe that there is nothing wrong with this because what they are reciting is the Qur’an, not words of kufr. It has to be explained to them that what is wrong with this action is thinking that we should recite al~ Fatihah on such occasions as an act of worship without any shares‘ah evidence for doing so, which is the essence of bid'ah. This is what Ibn ‘Umar pointed out to a man who sneezed beside him and said, “al-Hamdu Lilian was-salam ‘ala Rasool Allah (praise be to Allah and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah).” Ibn ‘Umar said, “I could say, ‘al-Hamdu Lillah was- salam ‘ala Rasool Allah, but this is not how the Messenger of Allah taught us. He taught us to say, 1al-Hamdu Lillah 'ala kulli hal (Praise be to Allah whatever the circumstances may be).”113

The marriage of Ali and Fatimah

After the Prophet’s marriage to A’ishah, prominent companions of messenger came forward asking for the hand of his daughter, Fatimah in marriage. They had abstained from doing so while she and her sister had had the responsibility of his household.

 Abu Bakr and then Umar successively asked for Fatimah’s hand in marriage, but the messenger of ALLAH gently and graciously asked both of them to excuse him for not being able to grant their request. Umar then suggested Ali to come forward and win the honor of being the Prophet’s son-in-law.

Ali asked him, “do you think that the messenger of ALLAH will accepts ‘Ali’s’ proposal after he had refused the proposals of his two companions, Abu Bakr and Umar?”

In reply, Umar reminded him of his early acceptance of Islam, his family relationship with ALLAH’s messenger and his position in thee Prophet’s estimation. He continued to persuade Ali until he was convinced.

 Ali went to the messenger of ALLAH and bashfully sat close to him. Unable to state the purpose of his visit, he sat there for a long time without saying a word. He was reluctant to make his request, fearing that it might b rejected.

 The messenger of ALLAH looked at him gently, with a smiling face, and then asked, “what is the matter, so of Abu TAlib?”

 Ali replied in a very ylow voice and with extreme shyness, “I am asking for the hand of Fatimah, the daughter of ALLAH’s messenger, in marriage.”
The Prophet responded with a bright face saying, “welcome!”
Ali took his leave, unable to believe his ears.

 When some of those who knew of the matter asked him what had been the outcome, he told them, “I talked to the messenger of ALLAH about the messenger of ALLAH about the matter and he said, welcome!”

The following day, Ali went to the messenger of ALLAH and repeated the same request for confirmation. The messenger of ALLAH asked him, “do you have anything (to offer as the mahr)?”

Ali answered in the negative. The messenger of ALLAH asked him, “where is your khatami armoured plate that I gave you?” he replied that he still had it.

When he bought it, the messenger of ALLAH asked him to sell it so that he could use the money for Fatimah’s trousseau. Uthman bought the armor plate from him for four hundred and seventy dirham. Ali gave the money to the messenger of ALLAH.

 The messenger of ALLAH gave part of the money to bilal to buy some perfume and gave the rest to Umm Salamah to buy things that the bride might need. He look at Anas, his servant, and told him, “go and call Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman, Talhah, Zubayr and a number of the Ansar.”

 He then went in to inform his daughter that Ali had come forward to ask for her hand in marriage. Fatimah shyly kept silent, and that was the sign of acceptance. The messenger of ALLAH came out and found the elder companions present.

He then addressed them, saying “all praise is due to ALLAH, who is praised for His blessings, worshipped by His might and obeyed by His authority. He is the only protector against His own punishment, and the only one whose command I implemented in the heaven and in the earth. He created his creatures with his power and gave them glory through the adherence to his religion. He honored them with his messenger Muhammad (S.A.W.).” “indeed, ALLAH has made the marriage relationship the means of maintaining human progeny. He has made it an obligation and a comprehensive blessing.

He connects, through marriage, kinship, and makes joining the ties of kinship obligatory upon people, ALLAH says: ” {and it is he who has created human beings from water, and has appointed for them kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage. And you Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He wills. } [QUR’AN 25: 54] “AND FOR EVERY MATTER, THERE IS A Decree. ALLAH blots out what He wills and confirms what he wills. And with Him is the Mother of the Book” “indeed, ALLAH has commanded me to give Fatimah in marriage to Ali, and I take you as witnesses that I have done so based on his bridal gift of four hundred dirham, if Ali agrees to that. This is the established sunnah and an obligation.

May ALLAH join them together in peace, and make their children gateways of mercy, treasures of wisdom and sources of security for the Ummah.” “This is what I have to say, and I beseech ALLAH to forgive me and you.” The messenger of ALLAH then ordered that a try of dates be presented to the guests, and he told them to pass it around. Ali then joined them. The messenger of ALLAH smiled and told him, “Ali, ALLAH has commanded me to give Fatimah to you in marriage; and I have done so far a bridal gift of four hundred dirham.” Ali said, “I agree, messenger of ALLAH.”

 Then Ali prostrated in gratitude to ALLAH. When he raised his head, the messenger of ALLAH addressed him saying, “may ALLAH bless you bless your efforts. May he bring from you many lovely children.” The invocation was accepted, for it was the supplication of a Prophet, an invocation of the leader of the messengers. ALLAH indeed brought from them many lovely children.

 That was the marriage of Ali and Fatimah, which was witnessed by a group of eminent companions. Ali lived happily in his marriage with the daughter of greatest creature, Muhammad (S.A.W.).

Why do we search for skills?

Once I visited a deprived town to deliver a lecture, after which there came to me a teacher from outside the town.

He said, "I hope you can help us with finance to some students"

I said, "Strange! Aren't the schools government funded, and therefore free?"

He said, "Indeed they are, but we would like to fund their universities education.”

I said, "Well, the universities are also government funded. They even offer student grants."

He said, “Allow me to explain to you..."

I said, "Go ahead.”

He said, "Our students graduate from their secondary school with no less than 99%. They are so clever that if their intelligence was divided amongst the ummah, it would suffice!

But when a student becomes determined to travel outside his town to study Medicine, Engineering, Islamic Law, Computer Science or anything else, his father prevents him from going, saying, 'What you know is sufficient! Now, stay with me and be a shepherd.’

I screamed unexpectedly, "Be a shepherd?!"

He said, "Yes, a shepherd!"

And indeed, the poor boy stays with his father and becomes a shepherd, while all his abilities are wasted. Years go by and he remains a shepherd. He may even get married and have children whom he may treat exactly as he was treated by his father. Hence, all his children also become shepherds!

I asked, "So what's the solution?"

He said, "The solution is to convince the father to employ someone as a shepherd for a few hundred riyals, which we will pay, and allow his son to take full advantage of his skills and abilities. Of course, we will also continue to fund his son until he graduates.'

The teacher then lowered his head and said, "lt is inexcusable that such skills and talents in people are wasted when they long to utilise them. "

I contemplated upon what he had said and realized that we cannot reach the pinnacle except by taking advantage of the abilities we have and acquiring those that we do not.

Yes, I would challenge anyone to find a successful person, be a successful in academia, preaching, lecturing, business, medicine, engineering, or influencing others; or be a successful in family life, such as a successful father with his children, or a successful wife with her husband; or be a successful in their social life, such as a person who is successful with his neighbours and colleagues and I mean a truly successful person, Not one, ‘Who simply climbs upon others' shoulders! I would challenge anyone to find me any such highly successful person who does not practise certain interpersonal skills through which he has been able to achieve such success, whether they realise it or not.

Some people may exercise such interpersonal skills instinctively, while others may have to learn them in order to be successful, and these latter people are the types of successful personalities whose lives we would like to study and whose methods we would closely seek to follow in order to discover how they were successful, and to find out whether or not we can take their route to success.
 

A while ago, I listened to an interview with one of the most affluent people in the world, ‘Shaykh Sulayman al Rajihi’ and found him to be a mountain in terms of his manners and thoughts. This man owns billions, possesses immense real estate, has built hundreds of mosques, and has sponsored thousands of orphans. He is hugely successful. He spoke of his humble beginnings around fifty years ago, when he was a regular person who would only have enough money to feed himself for the day, and sometimes not even that.

He mentioned that he would sometimes seen people's houses to feed himself and continue working at night at a shop or money exchange. He discussed how he was once at the bottom of the mountain, and how he continued to climbed until he reached the summit.

I thought about the abilities and skills he possesses and realised that many of us are well capable of being like him, if Allah grants us the ability. If one learns these skills, exercises them, perseveres and remains steadfast, then yes, he can surely be like him.

Another reason for us to search for these skills is that some of us may have certain abilities, which we remain unaware of, or which nobody has assisted us in discovering, such as the skills of delivering a lecture, business insight, or possessing general knowledge.

One may discover these skills on his own, through a teacher's or a work colleague's help, or even through a sincere brother, however few they may be! However, these skills may remain buried inside the person until his personality becomes as stale as anyone else's, and this is when we all lose out on another leader, lecturer or scholar, or perhaps a successful husband, or a caring father.

Here we will mention certain skills which we would like to remind you of if you already possess them, or which we would like to train you in if you don't.

So come along!

A thought: When you climb a mountain, look to the top and not to the rocks that Scroll round you. Make sure of where you step as you climb and do not leap in case you lose your footing.

What are we going to learn?

People generally tend to share their moments of happiness and sorrow. They are happy when they become wealthy. They will be joyous when promoted at work, content when they’re cover from illness, and cheerful when the world smiles at them and fulfills their dreams.

Likewise, they all grieve over illness, disgrace and loss of wealth. Knowing this to be the case, let us look for ways in which to make our joy everlasting and hence overpower our sorrows. Yes, in reality life tends to be both sweet and bitter, and on this we would not disagree, but why do we often focus on our ca­lamities and sorrows, and as a result become depressed for days on end? Where an hour is enough to grieve over something, hours on end are spent grieving.

Why?

I realise that sorrow and anguish enter our hearts without seeking permission, but for each door of sadness that opens there are a thousand means of shutting it, and these are what we will expound here.

Here we will learn how to be amazing.

Why was it that when your cousin spoke at the gathering, everyone listened to him attentively? Why were they amazed at his manners of speech? Why was it that when you spoke, they all turned away and began to talk amongst themselves? Why was that? You may be more well informed, better qualified and possess a higher status than him.  How then did he manage to get all the attention and you failed?

Why is it that one father is dearly loved by his children who love to greet him and accompany him wherever he goes, while another father begs his children to accompany him while they keep making all kinds of excuses to avoid doing so?

Are they not both fathers? Then why the difference?

Here we will learn how to enjoy life, know the various techniques to attract people, influence them, persevere with their faults, deal with people with bad manners, and much, much more. So, welcome! 

A word: Success is not to discover.  what others like, it is to acquire

and practice . the kills that help. one gain their love. 

They did not benefit....

I remember once receiving a message on my mobile phone which read: “Dear Sheikh, what is the ruling on suicide?"

I called the sender to find a very young man on the other end of the line. I said, "I am sorry, I didn't understand your question. Can you please repeat your question?"

He said with a grieving voice, "The question is clear. What is the ruling on suicide?"

I decided to surprise him by saying in response something unexpected, so I said, “It is recommended!"

He screamed, "What?!"

I said, "How about if we discuss the best way for you to do it?"

The young man fell silent. I said to him, "OK. Why do you want to commit suicide?"

He said, "Because, I can't find work. People do not love me. In fact, I am an utter failure....  and thus he began to relate to me his long story in order to prove that he had failed to develop his interpersonal skills and was unsuccessful in utilizing his talents. This is a problem with many people. Why do some of us feel inferior? Why do we look at those at the peak of the mountain while thinking of ourselves as unworthy of reaching that peak as they have, or even climbing it as they did?

The one frightened of climbing mountains forever lives in the ditches

Do you wish to know who will not benefit from this book, or any other similar book, for that matter?

It is the unfortunate one who surrenders to his own errors and becomes satisfied with his limited skills, and says, “This is my nature. I have become too used to it now; I cannot change my ways. Everyone knows this is how I am.  I can never speak like Khalid does, or have a cheerful countenance like Ahmad has, or be universally loved the way Ziyad is. That would be impossible." I once sat with a very old man in a public gathering. Most of those present were people with the usual skills and abilities. The old man was busy speaking to whoever was sitting next to him. He did not stand out in the crowd for any reason, except by virtue of his old age.

I delivered a lecture and during it mentioned a verdict given by the eminent Sheikh 'Abdul Aziz bin Baz. When I finished, the old man said to me with pride, "Sheikh Ibn Baz and I were colleagues.

We used to study together in a mosque under Shaykh Muhammad bin Ibrahim, about forty years ago:'

I turned around to look at him and noticed that he seemed very happy to share this information with me. He was delighted to have accompanied a successful man once in his life. I said to myself, "Poor man! Why did you not become as successful as Ibn Baz? If you knew the way to success, why did you not pursue it? Why is it that when Ibn Baz passes away, people cry for him from the pulpits, mihrabs, and institutes, and various nations grieve over the loss; yet, when your death comes, perhaps, nobody would shed a single tear, except out of kindness or custom!"

We all may say at some time or another; "We knew so and so and we sat with so and so: 'But this is nothing to be proud of. What one can be proud of is to scale the peak as they did. Be brave and from now on be determined to utilize all the abilities you possess. Be successful. Replace the frown on your face with a smile, depression with cheerfulness, miserliness with generosity, and anger with perseverance. Turn your calamities into occasions of joy and your faith into a weapon!'

Enjoy your life, for it is brief and there is no time in it for anguish. As for how to do this, then this is the reason for my writing this book. So bear with me until the end, with Allah's permission.

You will bear with us if you are brave enough to be determined and persistent on the development of your interpersonal skills, and if you are willing to take advantage of your abilities and talents.